Reflecting on being a mom and a partner in consulting

“How do you do it?” Over the years, many consultants have come to me with questions about being a mom and also being a partner in a consulting firm. Of the 60+ partners in our firm, there are two of us “mom-partners”. Just like other consulting firms, females represent about half of the lower-level consultants, and then the ratio drops off dramatically at the higher levels.

There are many reasons behind this low female participation in partnership. Many of them are personal decisions. While I love my job, I firmly believe being a partner is not the right choice for everyone. For those of you who aspire to be a mom-partner someday, let me share my answers to a few common questions I have gotten over the years on this topic.

“How do you find time to cook, clean, volunteer at school, drive your kids to activities while running a consulting practice”?

I do not have the time to do everything. I outsource most non-mission-critical tasks when I believe someone else can do a better job than me. For example, cooking, cleaning or driving my kids to summer camp. For those of you who have tried my scrambled eggs, you would agree someone else should be doing the cooking.

Getting everything done is possible. Doing everything yourself is not.

“How do you not see your kids for days without feeling guilty?”

I do feel guilty, especially when my little one won’t let go of my leg when we say goodbye. I am blessed to have an understanding family that does not add to the guilt I already impose on myself.

“How do you do it?”

Focus on the positive. It’s easier said than done, but I don’t let the bad days get me down for very long anymore. More importantly, we consciously screen for talented candidates with a positive attitude in our recruiting process. Time is too precious to let negativity slow us down.

Learn to let go. You cannot be a perfectionist when you are a mom-partner. Wanting to be perfect in everything will drive you crazy because there are simply too many things you are responsible for. I have learned to pick only the key battles to fight and go with the flow on the rest. Yes, this could mean you are not on every special task force in the partnership or you only volunteer to chaperone one field trip per year.

And, I am incredibly lucky…

• To be working in a merit-based consulting firm that embraces flexibility

• To have a loving family who is there for my kids when I cannot physically be there

• To have found my dream job that I don’t mind waking up at 5am every morning for

This post was written during my routine train ride between Boston and New York.